A Conversation Between Heart and Head

by | Jul 2, 2020 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Head: Morning

Heart: Really? I hope your proud of yourself!

Head: Pardon?

Heart: Exactly. What on earth were you thinking? “Please leave me alone. This was a mistake. I don’t want to hear from you again”.

Head: At least I was thinking. Where were you? Cowering in the corner shaking like a f***ing jelly!

Heart: Do you have to swear? At least I managed to pull it back from the brink when you were asleep.

Head: Aye, with that soppy voice message. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean it”. Please ignore that last message.” She thinks you’re a nutter man! You make me swear. It was you that got us into this mess in the first place. Why do I constantly clear up your self inflicted shambles?

Heart: I’m sensitive, I can’t help the way I am.

Head: Anyway, I don’t want to go there. I have a suggestion, a practical one, if you know the meaning of the word.

Heart: What would that be? Log out of Facebook and Messenger again? Block her on WhatsApp?

Head: Well, it worked didn’t it?

Heart: Yes, until she emailed, showing how much she cares. Thank God I left that channel open.

Head: What? Three emails saying, “Fkn unblock me NOW!” constitutes showing she cares? Don’t give me that romantic claptrap. She’s a freaking megalomaniac man! You forgot she had our email address otherwise she’d be history now. Do you want to hear my suggestion or not?

Heart: Go on then!

Head: I suggest that we have a truce. No more fighting.

Heart: Sounds like a plan to me, you know my attitude to conflict. We always got on before she came along.

Head: Yes, that’s my worry. I’m not talking about burying our heads.

Heart: What are you trying to say?

Head: Here we go again. This is dead in the water.

Heart: No, carry on, I’ll ignore that comment.

Head: Oh, that’s big of you. Anyway, here’s my plan. We communicate regularly about the situation and neither of us does anything drastic. If we sing off the same hymn sheet things may go well. You have to have patience, play the long game, as it were.

Heart: I’m with you on that one. I just miss her so much when she doesn’t get in touch.

Head: Jesus, man, she’s on the other side of the world. Shes trapped in a foreign country while her own basket case of a homeland is ravaged by plague! You don’t know what’s happening over there. That’s your problem, you’re too impatient and you don’t have a clue about the real world.

Heart: Yes but the last thing she needs is someone casting her off in an open boat with no explanation! You heard how hurt she was. How would you feel if that happened to you?

Head: Well that’s not exactly going to happen is it? I mean, I ‘m not the emotional one. I’d probably write it off as a bad job and move on.

Heart: Yes you would, you callous bastard, empathy’s not exactly your strong point. Can you not, for once, put yourself in the other person’s shoes?

Head: What happened to this truce?

Heart: As I said, I’m in. Just don’t make any terminal comments, I think she’s fed up with it all. Do you know she remarked that we have blocked her at least four times in three months?

Head: Yeah and she bounces back like a rubber fucking ball thanks to someone not a million miles from here. Don’t you remember on two of those she called us a narcissist and pervert respectively? After one of which you blocked her!

Heart: Misunderstandings both times, lost in translation.

Head: How can you misunderstand the meaning of those two words, are we in fact either of those? I mean, I’m the practical one but you’ve got enough empathy for both of us. I was deeply offended, on your behalf, for her use of the “N” word. As for the other…fruitcake springs to mind.

Heart: I wish you would accept my emotions. You know how I feel about her.

Head: Listen, she’s a bonny lass right but with more baggage than the hold of a Jumbo Jet! Why don’t you find someone normal?

Heart: That’s it! I’ve had it with you. What is the point?

Head: I’m just saying. What about this truce then?

Heart: Forget it. Just do not interfere in my affairs again

Head: Fairenoughski, be it on your own head…wait a minute! That would be me then!


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