October 2nd.

by | Oct 2, 2023 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Looking back on the early days, my spring; and middle age

Here we are on October 2nd. A random day in the year. Nothing special, not 1st, not 31st. I suppose somewhere it’s someone’s birthday or another significant anniversary.

For me however, it is a random date, at the beginning of autumn. At sixty-five, you could say that I am at October 2nd in my life. Looking back on the early days, my spring; and middle age, my summer. Looking ahead to my later years and winter.

I was married to the same woman for thirty-two years. Never strayed, always loyal and received loyalty in return. When she was taken in 2019, by pancreatic cancer, I was abandoned by her family.

I was criticised for selling the family home. I gave most of the money away.

I lived with my grandson in a rented house to gather my thoughts. Then COVID came and got me. I survived, just. My grandson went back to his mother’s and I bought a tiny flat. I met a beautiful woman half my age, from another world, another culture. They were wonderful times and we did everything together.

We planned a future that was so bright. Then she left me, with a business, a head full of ideas and even more questions. So, here I am at sixty-five, with meetings today, this random day, to sort out my grandson’s future and that of the business.

I wonder what I did to deserve to be alone like this? To face the October, November and December of my life without company.

Watching my beautiful twins living their lives with admiration gives me satisfaction as does seeing my children and grandchildren thrive.

Meeting my friends and brother for a drink and a chat. Talking daily to my little Wish Come True, knowing that we’ll never meet. I can’t go back there, I can’t be hurt again.

All of these are more than some people have. So, why am I filled with so much regret? Why is my head so full of questions? Why did I pursue another life? One to which I was not entitled? Instead of being satisfied with this one? Why did I let her hurt me and hurt her?

You find your One in Seven Billion and it’s taken from you by culture, religion and superstition.

Tomorrow will be October 3rd. A random day in the year, nothing special. I suppose somewhere it’s someone’s birthday or another significant anniversary…

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