Stupidland:

by | Feb 23, 2024 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

Then there’s Priority Boarding. That premium service which, at Charles Degaulle, lets you get on the shuttle bus first, and off last.

What is it about airports that turns the most level-headed person into Mr/Mrs/Ms Stupid? We leave the world of normality and enter the rarified atmosphere of Stupidland as we negotiate the giant sliding door.

From now on, everything is designed to stop you thinking like a rational person. From the garish garb of the car-hire ladies, to the overpriced food and drink. (At least we have a Greggs). So bizarre is this world that W. H. Smith’s prices seem reasonable.

Perhaps it’s about taking your whole life; wife, kids, cat; and putting them all into a gravity defying toothpaste tube flown by the kid you used to bully at school.

Then there’s security. Don’t get me started! What right-minded terrorist would subject themselves to that form of torture. Give me a session of water-boarding with Jack Reacher anyday. No matter how organised you are in this queue to Hell, you’re only as good as the lowest common denominator. Who, on this occasion, was the young woman in front of me.

As I did my octopus impression, coat, belt, laptop, liquids in see-through-bag routine, this person placed one locked suitcase on the big plastic tray. She then proceeded to answer “yes” to the next half dozen questions. Everything currently hanging off me, like an out of season Christmas tree, was snuggly packed in her cabin bag.

Fifteen minutes later, I was threading my belt through the waistband of my half-mast jeans as she headed for the bar.

Then there’s Priority Boarding. That premium service which, at Charles Degaulle, lets you get on the shuttle bus first, and off last. One day, someone will realise this. Not to mention the little grey-haired bastard who pushed his way to the front of both. Never mind, he distracted me from my fear of flying as I spent the whole flight imagining punching his lights out.

Flying, eh? If God had meant us to fly, and all of that…

Here’s part Four…

The Metaphor: Part Four.

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